DOMA - Proud of Pride

Geoff’s Page: DOMA – Proud of Pride

Location: Penn’s Landing, Philadelphia, Pa., and across America

Dateline: June, 26, 2013

What is LGBT Pride month and why do we need it? Is it a party? a movement? a necessary component for the world? or merely us showcasing ourselves? It’s all of these and more.

Gay pride or LGBT pride is our gay community’s public and positive stance against discrimination and violence toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. We visibly and publicly affirm our value, dignity, right to equal rights, through the increase of public awareness of who we actually are, instead of who many think we are.

In fact, there is reason to believe the recent wave of gay bashings are specifically tied to progress on these fronts. In other words, as more equal rights for gays are acknowledged and legislated, those operating from hatred have resorted to good old fashioned beatings to keep us in our place. Those beatings come with a price for the weak minded hateful people who perform them. They help awaken the rest of the nation to the legitimacy of our purpose as the majority continues to grow and sway in favor of gay marriage.

And, the more numbers we collect, the farther we get in acceptance. Take a look at how far gay rights have come in a few years with the acceptance of gay marriage in 12 states and D.C. and the avalanche of acceptance and support that seems to be gaining momentum. The problem is, there are over 40 states where I can still be fired because I am gay.

Sunday, June 9^th, I attended Philly Pride on Penn’s Landing in Philadelphia. I’ve been to a few regional Pride’s now, and this one meant more than others. I realized I had come full circle, and I hope this full circle sharing will help others move forward in their own lives.

I’m not sure how to describe the feelings I got this year without also describing the feelings I held in the past.

Around 13 years ago, after divorce, I was trying to figure out how to accept my gay self. In fact, during this time, I was straight when I was sober, and gay when I was drunk. In other words, I hadn’t even gotten up the nerve to walk into a gay bar or function without a few drinks in me.

I was also scared, scared of everything including HIV. My brother’s Bill had recently died from AIDS. I didn’t want to be the next death, and, more importantly, I didn’t want to be the next ‘queer’.

I snuck off to the Mazzoni Center in Philadelphia to get tested for HIV. The Mazzoni Center is Philly’s LGBT health care and wellness center. Founded in 1979, their mission statement reads: To provide quality comprehensive health and wellness services in an LGBT-focused environment, while preserving the dignity and improving the quality of life of the individuals we serve.

Once tested I had to wait 2 weeks in fear for the results.

I remember at that time thinking: Well, at least if I’m positive, they will accept and feel sorry for me, like they did brother Bill, instead of….. my worst fear - rejecting me and hating me because I’m gay’, such a common story in the gay community that it needn’t be retold right now.

While at Pride this year, I came across the Mazzoni Center again that Sunday. They were on site testing for HIV and STDs, an important outreach where anonymity can be found in the numbers.

I had brought with me a young man in his late 20’s who still hasn’t told his family and long term friends he is gay. He did not want to test, but, upon watching me and others, got up his nerve and decided to.

Tests have changed and results are much quicker. He tested and knew in 60 seconds he was clean. Suddenly, I watched years’ worth of fear leave his face.

Funny thing, once that was clear, I watched years of new fear enter his face. How does he tell his family he’s gay? How will they react? What does this new life hold for him?

Openly gay life is pride. It holds for him the same opportunity it holds for all of us attending the festival. It holds for us the freedom to be us without judging ourselves. We know we can’t stop others from judging us, but we can sure stop ourselves, and thereby teach others how to stop and grow with us.

We, as a combined gay family, have had so much hatred hurled our way, it’s good to know there are others collectively showing strength to slow it, and hopefully one day stop it.

It made me think of things asked by a straight friend: Why do so many of the pictures from Pride show so many people that seem so different? so sexually oriented? so out of the normal?.

It’s real simple - Out of the ordinary images sell. They sell over and over again, and putting pictures in the paper of the majority of people who look like me or like anyone else standing in line at WaWa won’t sell as well.

The best thing to keep in mind – these out of the ordinary examples are still part of us, and we celebrate their differences while embracing our similarities.

Think about your Aunt Janette who talks to the dead while chanting at the sky on moonlit nights. Or your Uncle Rob who sits for hours in his man cave smoking cigars, telling stupid jokes, watching cartoons, and taking great joy in his freedom to drink and pass gas without harm. Or think about your kid who went through the 60’s high and survived to be a productive human being, or your kid who barely talks to you because he/she’s a teen trying to figure out how to be an adult that you know intuitively is a great person (in fact, a great person who may be trying to figure out how to tell you he/she is gay.)

Just as you embrace them, we embrace each other with love, understanding, humor and fun others might reject merely because of outward appearance or actions.

We don’t care who you are or what you do either as long as you don’t hurt anyone. When my kids were young, I taught them to appreciate similarities in others, but savor and celebrate their differences. It’s from the differences we learn and grow the most.

And, it’s something they had to lean on when their dad came out. They didn’t want to hear their dad was gay – now, I think my daughter finds it kind of cool – since, I’m definitely a lot more fun than many other suburban dads she finds in her circle. And, my son has learned his friends have gay folks in their families too. Imagine that!!

So, here’s what it boils down to again. If we keep hearing we’re all wrong – we tend to believe it. If we keep hearing we’re all right, we’ll believe that too.

It’s up to us to set the stage for our world family, and the love or hatred we dispense. We have pride to show you and those of us still in hiding we are not apart from the crowd. Rather, we, too, are part of the same crowd everyone else shares. In fact, without us as part of the crowd we don’t think the world would be as cool a place.

Remember a balloon with out air doesn’t float, a sky without light doesn’t hold as much color or charm, and the world without gays would be a gray shaded ugly rainbow indeed.

I am proud to be gay, proud to be me, and proud of pride. Here’s to next year. Let’s see who I can wrangle into going to their first!!

For more information on the Mazzoni Center visit their website: http://mazzonicenter.org/

 

POST SCRIPT: As this story is being published the Supreme Court ruled today, June 26th on 2 important LGBT issues:

DOMA - Defense of Marriage Act - SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES: UNITED STATES, PETITIONER

v.EDITH SCHLAIN WINDSOR, IN HER CAPACITY AS EXECUTOR OF THE ESTATE
OF THEA CLARA SPYER.

“What has been explained to this point should more than suffice to establish that the principal purpose and the necessary effect of this law are to demean those persons who are in a lawful same-sex marriage. This requires the Court to hold, as it now does, that DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the liberty of the person protected by the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution. ”

In plain words, same-sex couples who are legally married will be entitled to equal treatment under federal law- with regard to, for example, income taxes and Social Security benefits.

And the Supreme Court ruled on California’s Proposition 8 returning marriage equality to California.

Let’s hope we do it the right way in New Jersey and not fight over civil rights by justly and correctly legislating our own right to marry - see - it’s not about gay rights - it’s about human rights - we are all equal under law, or should be. Currently, there are specific laws designed against us.

For instance, DOMA is dead but New Jersey LGBT couples in civil unions are still denied 1,138 federal protections of marriage. Does that sound fair and equal to you?

Brian Simms, Pennsylvania state representative, spoke to his colleagues from the floor in words that equally resound in many instances across the land: “As a reminder, Mr. Speaker, I do believe this has been forgotten entirely by many of my colleagues today: Each of us put our hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. We did not place our hands on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible.”

From my under 25 year old friend Matt O’Neill and his blog My Innermost Thinking: This is a big step in LGBT America. We not only pushed back on a law that was unconstitutional but DOMA was thrown down. Knowing now that one day my own state will hopefully allow me my marriage rights, I can feel confident that we are making moves in the right direction. Thank you to all those who have stood up and voiced your opinion. Sometimes the biggest challenge in this world is standing up and telling the majority that they are wrong.

I am not going to be the one to tell this young man full of promise an hope, or any other, they’re not quite as good as everyone else.